Find You Here

I grew up a lot during my first year of college, but I’ve already grown so much in the short month I’ve been out of Tennessee. I guess being a thousand miles from my people didn’t really give me a choice. 

I’d be lying to you if I said my relationship with Jesus has improved since I’ve been gone, because it hasn’t. I don’t feel His presence here and I’m embarrassed to say that I haven’t really been looking for it.

I had Saturday off work and I was frustrated with how the last couple of days had gone, so I knew that in order to keep my sanity and my positive mindset, I needed to get outside for a while.

So around 10 am, I started walking towards a trail. The day started out relatively warm. The sun wasn’t overbearing, but it was definitely present. The rain in the forecast kept getting pushed later and later in the day, so I wasn’t too worried about it.

As the day went on and I walked farther and farther from civilization, I began to feel better. I was going to be fine. I was going to make it through the next couple of months and make the most out of them. I was going to learn from this and grow through this. I was going to find Jesus in the midst of this chaos.

After walking for a couple of hours, I came upon a picnic area and stopped to eat my sandwich. It was the first place I had service in a couple of hours, so I began scrolling through my Instagram feed when I saw that one of my favorite authors Annie Downs had posted something, I went to her profile and began going through her posts, which then led me to her podcast, That Sounds Fun. I’d listened to a couple of her episodes before and I really enjoyed them.

 

 

As I was going through them, I noticed one with Ellie Holcomb, a Christian singer. I’d listened to a couple of her songs before and really liked them so I figured, why not? I was a good distance from being home so I might as well do something to occupy my time.

 

 

In the podcast, Ellie talked about her new album Red Sea Road. I immediately began to love her not only as a musician, but as a person. Her love for Christ runs so deep and she’s so sure of her faith.

Annie asked her what her favorite song in the album was and she, without hesitation, said Find You Here. She wrote it when she found out that her dad was diagnosed with cancer, but still kept a smile of his face.

Wow. 

What a slap in the face. 

She found His presence after receiving potentially the worst news of someone’s life. And yet, they still managed to smile and trust Him. Why are we so quick to blame God in our times of sadness and frustration, but so hesitant to praise Him in the times of joy and happiness? 

I’ve always been envious of people that feel Jesus’s presence. I want to feel like the Holy Spirit is always with me.

And then I wondered: Am I even looking?  

Would I even realize if Jesus Himself stopped me? Or would I be too worried about the task I was on my way to do? Would I have my nose too deep in my phone to even look up?

It’s not that the Holy Spirit hasn’t come with me to Maine, it’s that I’m not looking for Him. Because let’s be honest, it’s hard. Sometimes we’d rather fall asleep as soon as our heads hit the pillow than to talk to God for just two minutes or we skip our quite time with Him because we need an extra few minutes in the shower.

God is here, right now. All I have to do is open my eyes and look for Him. He’s right there during my walk to work in the rain. He’s right there as I look at old pictures of my family and realize how much as changed. He’s right with me, every single step of the way.

Before I left for Maine, my nana gave me one of her rings: a beautiful pearl with a gold band. I love it; it hasn’t left my hand and I’m not really a jewelry person. One morning as I stuck it back on after my shower, I felt the need to text her and told her how much I loved it and that I hadn’t taken it off and how much I loved her and missed her. I didn’t think much of it at the time, she was on my heart, so I let her know.

Later that day, my mom told me that my great grandma (my nana’s mom) had taken a nasty fall and was in surgery. I could only imagine how devastated my nana had been all morning.

It was ironic and probably not on accident that had been the morning I told my nana I was thinking about her, after all the morning when I mindlessly slipped her ring on. I can’t help but think that the Holy Spirit plays a role in things like that.

As I continue to move forward, I’m continually reminding myself to look for Jesus. He’s not going to leave you, find Him here.